When Steve Smith lost the Australian captaincy after overlooking the dastardly plans of team innovator David Warner, Cricket Australia needed more than just a new captain, they needed a new start.

There was mounting pressure to implement a complete cultural change, as the previous “win at all costs” mentality was seen as a behavioural cancer.

The Australia team had built a reputation for going to any lengths to ensure the mental disintegration of opponents. The driven search for an upper hand had taken them one step further, resulting in the lowest point in the country’s proud sporting history. Cameron Bancroft, under the guidance of unofficial team tactician Warner, carried a small square of sandpaper onto the field in South Africa in 2018. The plan was to scuff up one side of the ball to induce reverse swing. Most embarrassingly, when caught he shoved the yellow square into his underpants and denied it was sand paper at all. On examination, the smoothness of his genitalia gave the game away.

Bancroft, Warner and Smith were suspended by Cricket Australia and it was obvious to all that things had to change, as the fans were appalled.

Tim Paine had been in and out of Australia teams across the various formats. His ability with the bat was almost always described as not being fully tapped, his efforts with the gloves slightly better than serviceable. There was barely a public consensus that Paine deserved to be in any of the Australia teams at all.

There was however a groundswell of opinion that his most outstanding quality, one so sorely needed to rescue the image of Australian cricket, was that he was naturally a good bloke.

With West Australian good bloke Justin Langer appointed coach, Paine was soon given the honour of the Australian captaincy. He’d had a bit of experience at the lower levels of the game, he’d have Langer to guide him, but above all he spoke well, presented well and had cherub-like features that could not possibly be associated with the evil depths that the national team had sunk to.

As Australia fought its way back into the hearts of its fans, Paine had moments of productivity mixed with some horror DRS calls, as well as failures with bat and gloves. But through it all, he was still a great bloke.

On day five of the Fourth Test between Australia and India at the SCG, Paine severely tarnished his good bloke status. With India defiantly refusing to fall over and lose, Paine took to the bad old days of mental disintegration, a large chunk of it aimed at off-spinner and International playboy Ravi Ashwin and all picked up by stump microphones and broadcast to the world.

Paine said: “We can’t wait to get you to the Gabba, Ash.”

Ashwin responded: “Just like we want to get you to India. It’ll be your last series.”

Paine replied: “Maybe, are you a selector here as well? At least my teammates like me, dickhead. I’ve got a lot more Indian friends than you do. Even your teammates think you’re a goose. Don’t they. Every one.”

Ashwin said: “Tell me when you’re done.”

Paine replied: “I can talk all day mate. You wait until you get to the Gabba pal.”

“How many IPL teams wanted you when you asked every single one of them to have you?” Paine continued.

“If you captain, ‘Oh I’ll only come if I captain’”, he added using his best Ashwin impersonation.

It was a nasty, desperate attempt by Paine to unsettle the Indians and followed a fine he received the day before for firing an f-bomb at an umpire. It failed to garner another wicket and further sullied a day where Paine had dropped three catches and allowed another to go through a vacant second slip position.

So he can bat a bit, is ordinary with the gloves and his captaincy is scratchy at best. Now it turns out that he’s not even a good bloke!

Cricket Australia needs desperately to drop Paine and hand the captaincy directly to part time life coach and inspirational opening batsman David Warner. At least we will be under no illusions as to what kind of a bloke Warner is.